I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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