Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
