12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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