I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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