I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
