R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You are a genius and a whore.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
