I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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