don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
