I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
