If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
