i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
the raccoons are back...
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