Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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