STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
