We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
