I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
