I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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