Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?