I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize