I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
