Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
