I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
