Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
