i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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