Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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