Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
