I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
