i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No subtext here. People are naked.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
