All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize