Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
