Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
