I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
