Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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