Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
