shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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