You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
false alarm, still single
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
