Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you traded sex for a burrito?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
