Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
