How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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