no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
