Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
