i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
