i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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