I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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