somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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