i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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