party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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