but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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