My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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