respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
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oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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