I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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