theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
