I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
