i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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