some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
