the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
