she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
