OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How does one acquire holy water?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
