Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...

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(718): View more from New York

Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.

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(251): View more from Alabama

Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree

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(315): View more from New York

found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.

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(512): View more from Texas

I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza

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(757): View more from Virginia

Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.

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