he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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