I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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