she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
