I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize