I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
