Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
