hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
