I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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