I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sarcasm needs its own font
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
