went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Randomize
